Assault with a deadly weapon.

Today was supposed to be a chill day.

I had it all planned out. I had work this morning, and then an early Mothers Day dinner with my mom, grandmother and uncle, because he wouldn't be able to treat them to dinner on the actual Mothers Day weekend. We were supposed to meet at 5:30 to eat; I was going to do my hair around two, and then beat my face around 4 or 4:30, so that we would have ample time to pick up my grandmother and get to the restaurant.

That was, of course, until my mother strolled her happy butt over to my side of the house to tell me, at 4:15 (bare faced, contact-less me), that we were leaving at 4:30.

Fifteen minutes? Fifteen minutes? To get dressed and beat my face and find an actual complete pair of shoes in my tornado site of a room? I honestly didn't even know what I was going to wear, but I didn't have a choice but to leave it to God and haul ass. I left my contacts behind and opted to just attempt to do a little something from behind my spectacles, so I sped through a quick application of makeup (a rosy toned smoky eye that I was actually quite pleased with), and then I got to the mascara.

Reader, dear reader...if you're prone to accidents, do not buy the Benefit Cosmetics They're Real! mascara. You will lose an eye. No, I'm not kidding. I'm very serious. You will blind yourself. I'm talking Oedipus blinding here. You will inevitably jam that son of a bitch right into your eye, and you will lose your sight. Have you seen the brush for the TR! mascara?

 

Image from emmabydesign.com

Let me get you a close up.

 Image from amazon.com

I shit you not: YOU WILL BLIND YOURSELF.

I got to the mascara and, for the second time since I purchased the damn thing, stabbed myself in the eye, and for a split second lost a complete grip on all that is reality. When I came to, there was mascara on my under eye area, mascara on my lid, mascara in my eye; everywhere but the damn lashes. I only had enough time to fix the foolishness on my actual face before I had to leave, which left me with this:

SOME BULLSHIT.

I couldn't do anything but stick my glasses on my face and keep it moving. Luckily for me, you can't see a thing from behind my frames, so it was safely hidden, but I was still thoroughly pissed. Here's the rest of the face.

 #vivalacrochetbraid #returnofthecrochetbraid

I didn't have time to finesse in my room or in the car, so I was left with the yellowish light in the bathroom. Here's some flash photography:

And with the glasses:

If I didn't have time to fix the mark on my eyeball, then you already know I didn't have time to do a video. Let's move on to the details.

FACE:

Primer:

• Benefit Cosmetics The POREfessional Matte Rescue Mattifying Gel on my T-Zone
• L'Oreal Magic Perfecting Base Primer on my cheeks
• E.L.F. Mineral Infused Primer on the rest of my face

 Concealer:

• Mouth: L.A. Girl HD Pro Orange Corrector with the Nicka K New York HD Concealer in Fallow under the foundation, and L.A. Girl HD Pro Concealer in Fawn over the foundation
• Nose, Chin, and Uneven Skintone on Cheeks: Nicka K New York HD Concealer in Fallow
• Under Eye: L.A. Girl HD Pro Concealer in Fawn; Nicka K New York HD Concealer in Fallow

Foundation: Maybelline Fit Me! Matte + Poreless Foundation in 340 Cappuccino

Face Powder: Black Radiance Pressed Powder in Golden Cashews

Bronzing Powder: Black Radiance Pressed Powder in Warm Hazelnut

Setting Powder: Black Opal Deluxe Finishing Powder in Neutral Light

 

BROWS:

Filler: ColourPop Brow Pencil in Black 'n Brown

Browbone Highlight: L.A. Girl HD Pro Concealer in Fawn
Brow Gel: Milani Brow Shaping Gel

 

EYES:

Primer: LORAC Behind The Scenes Eye Primer

Base: The Sculpt powder in the Black Radiance True Complexion Contour Palette in Medium to Dark

Shadows:

• Transition: #9, in the L'Oreal Paris La Palette Nude 2
• Crease: #10, in the L'Oreal Paris La Palette Nude 2
• Lid:
• Overall: #7, in the L'Oreal Paris La Palette Nude 2
• Inner Third: #4, in the L'Oreal Paris La Palette Nude 1
• Inner Corner: E.L.F. Long Lasting Lustrous Eyeshadow in Toast
• Lower Lash Line (Gradient from Outer to Inner): 
• #10, in the L'Oreal Paris La Palette Nude 2
• #9, in the L'Oreal Paris La Palette Nude 2
• E.L.F. Long Lasting Lustrous Eyeshadow in Soiree
  

Eyeliner: Rimmel London ScandalEyes Gel Liner in Black

Mascara: The perilous Benefit Cosmetics They're Real! Mascara on the top lashes; Ruby Kisses Very Sexy Mascara on the bottom lashes

 

CONTOUR:

Black Radiance True Complexion Contour Palette in Medium to Dark

 

HIGHLIGHT:

#7, in the Makeup Revolution Golden Sugar 2 Rose Gold Ultra Blush Palette, with #6 in the palette over top

 

BLUSH:

#4, in the Makeup Revolution Golden Sugar 2 Rose Gold Ultra Blush Palette

 
LIPS:

Lipstick: Maybelline Color Sensational Lipstick in Untainted Spice

Liner: Jordana Cosmetics Easyliner Eyeliner in Coffee Bean

 

Besides almost losing my already poor eyesight, I was really really pleased with this look. I was able to put on a full face of makeup without having my family look at me like "where do you think you're going?", so the subtlety was a success. I think I'm just going to get rid of the Benefit mascara, though; it doesn't work nearly as well as my L'Oreal mascaras, and for the full sized tube to cost thirty dollars, I need it to work, and not injure me. Yeah, bye.

Okay, that's it! I almost didn't do this blog because I'm lazy, so be proud of me! I'll see you later!

x Ashlan